Amit @NextFive

Don't be sensible. Handle with care.

Dreams Are Sacred. Yours, and everyone else’s.

And yet, we sometimes step on one without even realising.

Like when you wanted to be an astronaut. Not realizing it’s not something you just do. Or that India does not have that great a space program as yet. Nope. You decided it was something cool, and you would want to be that guy with the bubble-helmet. Till the facts were explained to you by some well-meaning adult in the vicinity.

Or when your teacher might have pointed out the improbability of someone getting a Nobel Prize in Physics.

“Target JEE, be an engineer or a doctor” - your parents reasoned wisely - “Clear path; good prospects, stable income and respectable.”

Or may be you remember one of your BC (bakar) sessions with college mates, meeting after a while. When somewhere mid-conversation, you might have mumbled something about opting out of rat-race and doing something meaningful instead. They might have had a good laugh about you becoming a “baba” before moving on to the next topic, wherever that led.

Or it may have happened even more recently.

Your best friend might have been hyped about a book. She just wants to print out the whole 200 pages, instead of reading the PDF. And of course you might have “sensibly” suggested her “better” ways to go about it.

Did you ask what got her so hyped? Or ask her to tell you more? Or just share her excitement? Nope. Too busy being “sensible”.

I’m trying something different now.

When someone’s excited about something - even if I immediately see the “better” way or the practical problems - I’m trying to just be excited with them first.

Share the excitement. No hedging. No safe options. No planting seeds of doubt. Just join the madness.

And this part I’m trying to be really careful about: Do. Not. Plant. Seeds. Of. Doubt. In whatever well-meaning way you think you’re helping.

You may be thinking - “…but what if…“ or “…you have to, when…“ or a bunch of other edge-case scenarios.

But no.

Let’s try this for a while. Absolutely no doubts as part of the usual “well-wishing exercise”. No “…have you thought about…“ or “…what about this way instead”.

Unless doing so is going to bring you physical harm or financial ruin in the next five minutes, share that excitement! Nurture the ideas by going “Yes! And…“ instead of “…but…“.

Even if I see a better way, I’m trying to jump in with the excitement first. Revel in it for a bit. And then, if I still need to share that brilliant alternate approach, I will try to do it in a “Yes! And…“ way. Not with an “…instead of…“ mindset.

Because that initial excitement and inspiration needed for an idea to grow is fragile. Easy to kill. Hard to get back.

So I’m trying to be the thing I needed in all those moments when I shared my dreams. Not the sensible person. The person who goes “Yes! Tell me more! That’s amazing!”

It’s harder than it sounds. My helpful brain kicks in fast. But I’m catching myself more now.

Last week L mentioned about the kids at library folding / tearing pages of the new books she’d got there. My brain started warming up with “sensible” advice. But thankfully, I caught it in time. Asked her to tell me more instead - and she talked for 20 minutes about something she’d already thought through. And the next phase she’s exploring. By the time she was done, I was already seeing how stupid that sensibility must have sounded that I was ready to offer.

Still working on it; catching myself being helpful when I should be excited.

But at least now I’ve started to notice.